Conflict Styles -- Nunchi
Having a conflict style is a lot like having a cultural worldview ... it becomes the way by which we filter everything we see about a conflict and how we respond. The idea of "nunchi" -- a Korean term -- explains this quite well.
YoungHi Seo is a communication specialist and writer, explains:
"Within Korean culture, there's a concept known as 'nunchi,' which is essential to understanding the people as well as relationships. Nunchi is the subtle art of listening and gauging another's mood (emotions, needs, etc). Having nunchi is a kind of skill, and it is the basis of good communication, which is important in fostering strong relationships. By communication, most people think only of the verbal. And since we from the Western cultures are used to verbalizing everything (even the most mundane and inane thoughts), we have an advantage. We are taught early to express our thoughts as well as to talk through problems. In Korea, though, there is a very different perspective and approach. Emphasis in relationships is not so much placed on expression in words, but showing consideration and understanding in action. That comes from active listening or "reading" the counterpart's non-verbal cues, or having nunchi. It requires one to be aware/attentive. Actually, almost any two year-old infant has nunchi and is sensitive enough to pick up on the emotional vibes of loved ones. That is why it can often be frustrating from a Korean female's perspective when her Western, or even Korean, partner doesn't seem to understand her. When he insists she verbalize her thoughts and feelings, he is saying that she needs to communicate on his terms, the method by which he is most comfortable. While this may be the easiest way, it is not meeting her half-way. Instead of relying only on words and rationalization to understand, I believe he has to try to be a patient listener as well as learn to increase his power of intuition. After all, in a cross-cultural setting as well as relationship, the meaning of communication needs to be broader and more flexible."
Here's a link to an intersting blog that explains a "nunchi" conflict.
http://mark.tetto.org/log/archives/2005/02/got_nunchi.html
YoungHi Seo is a communication specialist and writer, explains:
"Within Korean culture, there's a concept known as 'nunchi,' which is essential to understanding the people as well as relationships. Nunchi is the subtle art of listening and gauging another's mood (emotions, needs, etc). Having nunchi is a kind of skill, and it is the basis of good communication, which is important in fostering strong relationships. By communication, most people think only of the verbal. And since we from the Western cultures are used to verbalizing everything (even the most mundane and inane thoughts), we have an advantage. We are taught early to express our thoughts as well as to talk through problems. In Korea, though, there is a very different perspective and approach. Emphasis in relationships is not so much placed on expression in words, but showing consideration and understanding in action. That comes from active listening or "reading" the counterpart's non-verbal cues, or having nunchi. It requires one to be aware/attentive. Actually, almost any two year-old infant has nunchi and is sensitive enough to pick up on the emotional vibes of loved ones. That is why it can often be frustrating from a Korean female's perspective when her Western, or even Korean, partner doesn't seem to understand her. When he insists she verbalize her thoughts and feelings, he is saying that she needs to communicate on his terms, the method by which he is most comfortable. While this may be the easiest way, it is not meeting her half-way. Instead of relying only on words and rationalization to understand, I believe he has to try to be a patient listener as well as learn to increase his power of intuition. After all, in a cross-cultural setting as well as relationship, the meaning of communication needs to be broader and more flexible."
Here's a link to an intersting blog that explains a "nunchi" conflict.
http://mark.tetto.org/log/archives/2005/02/got_nunchi.html
