Be The Change

Having a conflict style is a lot like having a cultural worldview ... it becomes the way by which we filter everything we see about a conflict and how we respond. The idea of "nunchi" -- a Korean term -- explains this quite well.

YoungHi Seo is a communication specialist and writer, explains:

"Within Korean culture, there's a concept known as 'nunchi,' which is essential to understanding the people as well as relationships. Nunchi is the subtle art of listening and gauging another's mood (emotions, needs, etc). Having nunchi is a kind of skill, and it is the basis of good communication, which is important in fostering strong relationships. By communication, most people think only of the verbal. And since we from the Western cultures are used to verbalizing everything (even the most mundane and inane thoughts), we have an advantage. We are taught early to express our thoughts as well as to talk through problems. In Korea, though, there is a very different perspective and approach. Emphasis in relationships is not so much placed on expression in words, but showing consideration and understanding in action. That comes from active listening or "reading" the counterpart's non-verbal cues, or having nunchi. It requires one to be aware/attentive. Actually, almost any two year-old infant has nunchi and is sensitive enough to pick up on the emotional vibes of loved ones. That is why it can often be frustrating from a Korean female's perspective when her Western, or even Korean, partner doesn't seem to understand her. When he insists she verbalize her thoughts and feelings, he is saying that she needs to communicate on his terms, the method by which he is most comfortable. While this may be the easiest way, it is not meeting her half-way. Instead of relying only on words and rationalization to understand, I believe he has to try to be a patient listener as well as learn to increase his power of intuition. After all, in a cross-cultural setting as well as relationship, the meaning of communication needs to be broader and more flexible."

Here's a link to an intersting blog that explains a "nunchi" conflict.

http://mark.tetto.org/log/archives/2005/02/got_nunchi.html

There is an apocryphal story about Mahatma Gandhi that comes to mind when thinking about peacemaking and our responsibility to it.

Gandhi was not just a political and spiritual leader, he was also quite wise and people traveled from all over to ask his help with problems both small and large.

One day a peasant woman came to visit Gandhi. She brought with her young son. She told Gandhi that her son was addicted to sweets. The sugar made him hyper and too wild to attend school. She hoped Gandhi would tell her son to stop eating sugar. She was sure that her son would listen to him.

Gandhi paused and then told the woman to come back in one week.

She came back one week later. Gandhi took the little boy, sat him on his lap and said simply, “Please do not eat sugar. It is bad for you.”

The boy smiled, promised to stop and returned back to his mother. His mother was understandably stunned. She had traveled over 100 miles. It was a difficult journey. Bewildered she approached Gandhi and asked,

“Why didn’t you just tell him to quit eating sugar last week when I first approached you?”

Gandhi smiled and said patiently, “Last week, I too, was still eating sugar. … We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

That story inspired me to get into the field, to come to BYU-Hawaii and will be the guiding compass for me as a teach the class.

Love this logo with the symbols for the three major world religions -- the crescent for Islam, the star of David for Judiasm, and the cross for Christianity -- all fit into the same world.

All three religions sons and daughters of the same founder -- father Abraham.